Sunday 14 June 2020

Talking Facts of Life to kids

Bed time is secret sharing time. Me and Ramesh take turns putting the kids to sleep. That is when they share their little adventures in school or their deepest fears and insecurities with us. They ask a lot of questions about our lives, our fears, past and future as well. They have one set of questions for me and an entirely different set for Ramesh. We try to answer as honestly as possible, and all of us are vulnerable at the time and share our innermost thoughts.

I also tried to use the time to tell the kids, especially my daughter about unwanted touch and dangers of the world. I was surprised to find how much she already knew about it. We have discussed it before, but that was long back and the details I gave were sketchy, as part of a story I told them. But afterwards she took her lessons from movies like 'Prathi Poovankozhi', 'Lucifer' etc. And some things she has learned from teachers also, at school. The lessons and understandings were pretty accurate, and I elaborated explaining some 'Me-too' experiences of my childhood and teenage, how I reacted and how she can react, how she should be bold and be open in sharing it with me if she ever faces such issues. We discussed drugs too, different probable ways they could reach the kids and how to avoid it, how to identify it. Again to my surprise she had a basic knowledge, watching movies (even 'Pulimurugan' can educate!)

The kids also love to listen to the tale of their birth- how sad we were without them, how happy we became when they were conceived, how the experience of caesarian was, how we saw them in NICU for the first time and fell in love instantly...etc etc etc. One of these days I told them how a nurse taught me to dress them in diapers. They faintly remember themselves using nappies.
Now,  I am pretty indiscreet about my wardrobe and shelves. They have seen almost everything that I keep inside, and that is why, when the talk came to nappies, they asked me, "Why are you buying and keeping nappies now? Who is it for? Do you use them? What kind of nappies are they?"

I told them they were not nappies, but sanitary napkins, but hesitated to answer the rest and told that they wouldn't understand even if I explained. But they kept insisting,  so that presented me with the opportunity. I had previously explained about cutting of umblical cord. And they wanted to know why there is such a cord and I explained that it is connected to the amniotic sac and uterus (they could understand that everything in stomach happened in various sacs or bags. So I didn't mention placenta) to directly give nutrition to the baby (embryo, they knew that word). I told them that a woman's body prepares itself with all these nutrition every month to receive a baby, but it doesn't happen every month. (In between they asked why not, why don't I conceive again etc. I said it will reduce my attention to them, and also will ruin my health, which they understood because we do not let our pet birds lay eggs all the time as the eggs may break or the mother may die of exhaustion). So since babies do not come to mom every month, the collected nutrition which is actually in blood has to go out of the body, and that happens for 2-3 days every month. I thought they would be fearful hearing this, but nothing. They took it coolly. I also told them that during those days women would be angry, sad and they would have stomach pain. Which was also taken well. "So that's why you yell at us for nothing sometimes? " "Yes". Ok,  so that was explained and forgiven. Then I said, "This is something my sons should understand especially, when they deal with a woman- mother, sister or any of their friends in future- be gentle to them if they are upset. It could be due to this".  That was extremely well taken.

I couldn't help but think about my teacher teaching menstruation in 9th standard. She was so embarrassed. So were all of us, the class which was mixed. But my three eight year olds understood it with such clarity, and no embarrassment whatsoever. It was such a natural thing, something to be understood matter-of-factly, scientifically. I felt very proud and happy.  I might have to repeat this later when they grow up, but that will come later. For now,  all is well.

5 comments:

  1. Well written as always you do... Its interesting to see them growing up with little things...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love reading your blog Ma'am! ❤️ It's nice to learn all these beautiful parenting techniques! ☺️

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sometimes it's easier to tell kids the truth rather than dodging the question. I wished my mom had told me earlier. Everytime I ask her what that is, or keep the packet aside from the shopping bag, yelling Amma's pampers, she would flick at my lips. I, myself started avoiding that question. Eventually I got to know about periods through friends much before I got it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, it is better that they hear it from parents first. But a few years back people were really reluctant to talk about it, what your mother did was exactly what most mothers used to do. Now things have changed a lot at homes and in schools

      Delete