Five intimate questions about IVF

There are hundreds of websites on information about IVF, ways to find out whether you are ready for IVF, the medical questions you should ask your doctor about IVF etc. However, here we shall see five intimate questions about IVF which you should ask yourself and personal fears which you should resolve within yourself, before embarking upon the journey.

1. Are you sure you want a baby? What if it is twins or triplets?  As ridiculous as this may sound to a couple waiting to get pregnant and trying for many years, this is the first question you should ask yourself. Parenting a baby is a blessing, it is fun, and it is a huge responsibility. If you are doing IVF there is a very good chance that you might conceive multiples- twins, triplets or more, babies, especially if the cause of your infertility is primarily low sperm count or motility. So, ask yourself-  
   • Are you financially well placed to handle both expected and unexpected expenses of IVF? 
   • If you conceive multiples do you have enough support from friends and family? Because parenting multiples is a huge task, at least for the first first three years.
   • When you take help from friends and family, it is a commitment. The bridge goes both ways. Also understand that they are helping you because they love you, and your yet to be born baby. Be grateful not for their help, but for their love.
   • Are you ready to take a lot of time-off from work, may be give up on some advancements in your career for a few years? Possibly either you or your spouse will need to stay home. Decide who will take temporary leave from job and stay at home to look after the babies. Are you both comfortable with that decision? Because in future there is a good chance that you might feel you are sacrificing your life/career while your spouse is not. No matter how much I say this, you may not give this aspect enough importance now, but you should.
   • There is statistical proof that many marriages bite the dust after a multiple pregnancy and delivery. The possible reasons and solutions we shall discuss in a future post. The question that you ask yourself now is, is your marriage strong enough to withstand the possible stresses that may result from IVF? 
   I am not trying here to scare you. On the other hand I am trying o encourage you. Some marriages bond in much stronger ways after a multiple pregnancy and delivery. So do the bonds with family and friends. And after 3-4 years you can get back to your work, uplift your career. Parenting is fun, it also helps your creativity, and thus the prospects of your success in life! So, go for it! This post on my decision to have a baby might interest you.
2. What if IVF fails? Which brings us to our second question- what if IVF fails? Are you ready to handle the grief, the disappointment? Also the lost money? There are many institutions and groups which offer emotional support. But the first support should come from within you, and from your spouse. Prayer and meditation can help a lot. Remember three things- (1). Whatever happens, happens for a reason, happens for good. Count your blessings. (2). Being childless is not the end of life, you have your life, your hobbies, career, travel, books, love and romance. Even having a pet can help quite a lot. Do not be disheartened. (3).  Adoption is an option you have. If you are really ready and willing to be a parent, biology is no barrier- you can always love a baby- any baby- with all your heart, the fulfillment is not an iota less. 
3. Do you have a pet? A pet dog, cat, bird or fish can relieve your stress quite a lot. I would highly recommend having and loving one, before starting the IVF journey.
4. Are you scared of needles? Scared that IVF will hurt? Well, I was. I was dead-scared. And this is what I learned from my experience- (1) Share your fear. Tell anyone who would listen about your fear. They might make fun of you, but there is a good chance that many of them might be having the same fear. If you tell the doctor or the nurse about the fear, they will be gentle in handling the situation, distracting you from the pain. So, don't be shy to share the fear. (I have been made fun of and laughed at, for fearing the needle at this age, being a professional, a teacher and all- and now, a mother of three! Well, I am scared, and that is that). You can distract yourself by thinking about the happiest and most exciting experiences of your life, about your romantic adventures etc. Apart from the regular shots, there are a few tests that might hurt during IVF. For embryo transfer, most possibly you will be put under anesthesia. For me, I was put under general anesthesia, so I did not even know about what happened. On the whole, in my experience, I expected a LOT of pain, but thankfully it was very minimal. So take heart. (The story in detail is given in my older posts. See http://tripletshouse.blogspot.in/2011/06/ivf.html). This webpage has some great tips- http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-a-Fear-of-Needles
   
5. What about future side-effects? I am not a medical expert, but from my personal experience, I have had no side effects at all from IVF. My triplet pregnancy and OHSS caused problems, but nothing was carried over to future. However, understand that this is your body and your life, so discuss all your medical conditions and possible side effects with your doctor first.

On the whole, my personal recommendation is that, if your answer to the first question is a yes, then, go for it! IVF is not half as scary as you might expect, and it is worth the try. 
Do you have any other personal or intimate question about IVF you would like to share? We will discuss if you just post it in the comments column. If you want you can post anonymously too.

Hindsight thoughts on IVF

I got a few emails from friends saying they could not access my earlier posts on IVF, OHSS and triplet pregnancy. The comments column was not working either it seems, and I have corrected all that. So I thought of this post with links to all previous posts and a few random Hindsight thoughts on IVF. Here is the link to the story of my decision to have a baby. If you like the page, please leave a comment.

There is a reason why you are reading this page now. You are waiting to get pregnant, contemplating IVF, and most probably you are a Keralite- Malayali. You are confused whether you should do IVF, whether IVF is painful, where you should do it, whether it will be a success, whether IVF has any future side effects,and many more related doubts. I think I might have a few tips for you. There are hundreds of websites on information about IVF, ways to find out whether you are ready for IVF, the medical questions you should ask your doctor about IVF etc. However, there are some very personal and intimate questions you should ask yourself before IVF too, and some intimate fears about IVF, for which you should find solutions before embarking upon the journey like my five intimate questions about ivf. My IVF was a horror story, not because of any reason that you might think of. I used to have a terrible fear of needles (still have some)! I was dead scared of the so-called pain during embryo transfer. I was not sure of the side effects of the hormone treatment for IVF. I was not sure if it was the right decision- whether I should wait more to conceive naturally. And worst of all, I wasn't even sure if I was ready for a baby! And no, none of these was the reason why my IVF was a horror story! It was because of the severe spontaneous Ovarian Hyper stimulation Syndrome (OHSS) due to my triplet pregnancy. It is not common at all, so you really do not need to worry about it. Here is the story of my IVF and the horrors of my spontaneous Ovarian Hyper stimulation Syndrome.

Five hindsight thoughts on IVF

If your answer to the first question in my five intimate questions about ivf is a yes, then you can look at the next four questions. Once you come to terms with your doubts and fears, you can start your IVF cycle. However here are a few things I learned after doing my IVF and going through my triplets pregnancy.

1. When you have faith, you will bring the umbrella. May be you have heard this story of faith-The community began to worry deeply about the prolonged drought. The religious leaders of the town met and agreed to call for a combined day of prayer about rain. They asked their congregations to gather together in the one large meeting house the following day. As the anxious town people settled in their seats, the ministers took turns pleading the cause for rain on behalf of all present. they suddenly heard a deep rumble of thunder, an appearance of dark clouds in the distance , and then the sound of rain on the roof. They were all overjoyed. But they were just as surprised to see that as they walked out through the rain to their cars only one person out of the entire group had brought an umbrella—a young girl whose faith had been so sure she had taken appropriate action.

When you do IVF, believe that you will get pregnant. It is also possible that you might need a bed rest, at least for a few weeks- possible, not definite. So do all the necessary arrangements for taking leave from work, and try to line up the help you will need from family and friends.

2. You are not the expert- your doctor is. So leave the tough decisions to him. There is nothing you can do to make IVF and ICSI successful. But you can and should definitely talk to the doctor about yourself, and also discuss how many embryos are going to be transferred, how many will be frozen, what will happen to the frozen ones if they do not need to be used etc. 

3. Once you are done with the first cycle, go about your daily life as usual. Have faith, but do not count the chickens before they hatch. No need to plan your nursery or buy toys before you hear the great news. If the cycle does not work out, it will cause grief and disappointment if you have done too much planning.

4. If you have bloating belly, vomiting and nausea, you might be suffering from OHSS. If it is mild, it is OK. But if it is unbearable, seek immediate medical help.

5. Document your experience. Each IVF and each pregnancy is unique. Write down your experiences- physical, emotional, everything. Even if the results turn out negative. Someday it might help someone else. Even if it does not, you can always go back to it and after a few years, trust me, you will be very thankful that you documented it.

My posts on the story of my IVF and spontaneous Ovarian Hyper stimulation Syndrome show how the documenting part helped me!

Why don't you share your experience of infertility journey, IVF, pregnancy etc in the comments section?