Why we did IVF
We replied-
'Let God give, we shouldn't snatch from Him..'
The real
reason we did not go to a doctor was, I am dead scared of needles. And I have
heard no treatments for infertility (especially IVF) is complete without poking
needles all over. But I could not admit that, could I? If I do, then my own
mind would start asking like, 'Is this pain fear greater than the desire for a
baby?'. So we said- everything will happen in its due course, besides we should
not snatch from God..
Okay, so why
go and snatch now?
'Hmm..er..God
Himself says in Gita, that one should fulfill one's karma, right?'
Anyway, both
of us had various reasons for making it late. For me, it was fear mainly. I had
read and heard from many sources that the treatment procedure was painful. I
had a terrible needle fear and had not taken any injections for twenty years.
Now this treatment demands ten consecutive days of injection..Then there are a
thousand stories of the side effects of the treatment..medicines which can
cause long lasting health problems. Third reason was our office timings and
both of us preferred going out and having fun in the evenings than going to a
clinic. Also both of us had a general reluctance to take medicines. And then
sheer procrastination. Most often the hormone raging ovulation days ended up in
just a lot of tears. Thus precious months passed by us. Finally we visited a
gynecologist, and tests there showed that our sperm count was close to zero (we
did repeated tests, just to confirm), and we became painfully aware that it
would be impossible to conceive naturally. The doctor prescribed some tablets,
but even she was not very optimistic. Medicines did not help much except that
my husband became even more short-tempered. I was very careful not to hurt his
feelings or shake his confidence, which was very vulnerable at the moment.
Things were not going very well, so together we decided to leave the treatment
there, and moved on with life.
Months flew by. The anxiousness grew, especially because it was obvious that though my parents were not pressurizing us or even asking us about it, they wanted us to take a treatment. They wanted a grandchild. And I was an only daughter, so I was their only hope. Also all our younger cousins who were married became parents. So did our friends. It became impossible to hold a real conversation with a group of friends, because the conversation invariably drifted off to their kids and I was left without much to talk about. So we decided to start the treatment afresh, but this time we thought of doing some alternative medication.Our next visit was to a very good (and expensive) Homeopath. (Find the link to The Clinic). He does not really specialize in anything, but does an overall checkup (with not many equipments, just his senses) and finds out the general health condition of the patients and treats the root causes of the problems. He did a check-up, and prescribed-We should walk an hour a day, both of us together. Drink two glasses of fresh carrot juice(he even suggested a brand for the juicer!), Ramesh should avoid milk and all dairy products completely, and I should drink 3 litres of water everyday. He also prescribed one or two over-the-counter medicines, mostly vitamins and tablets for liver health. All these seemed easy to practice and hearty to do. But of course, the routines were broken many times- we did walk- with our dog- but the walk was done away with when we went for late night movies, or overnight site visits as part of our job. Carrot juice we did drink, and Ramesh completely avoided his favorite dairy items, except a little curd once in a month or so. After six months we did the sperm test again, and we couldn't really believe it- it showed a considerable rise in count and mobility!! Of course, this was not enough, but having a rise from zero 10 lakhs gave us a new ray of hope. (Actual minimal requirement being 30 million! We were not nearly close) We continued the same way for another six months, but too much precious time was being lost. By now it was 2007, I joined Engineering College as a Lecturer, started travelling 4 hours a day, to and fro, sometimes staying back at the work place in the hostel. Treatment lost steam. I crossed the dreaded 30 year old mark.Probably we were not mentally prepared to have a baby. Yes, that is a large factor. We weren't yet so sure that we wanted a baby for us. Were we wishing for the baby just to please our parents and relatives? Just to shut them up and prevent the regular questioning looks? Or was it to avail a rest period- a maternity leave of six months with pay (I always wished for that rest period- not having to rush to workplace everyday, yet get my paycheck)? Or was it to have an excuse every time we were asked to do something unpleasant?-like if I was required to go on a tour I did not wish to go, then if I had a baby I could always say the baby could not travel and I had to stay back to look after her. I was not sure if these were the reasons I wanted a baby, or if the need was genuine, if I was really prepared. When we are mentally prepared, when each atom in the body craves and cries out for a baby, pregnancy might happen, I thought. But, may be by then the body would be too old, and the situations might be against us. For couples who get pregnant naturally, easily, all these do not matter. They get pregnant first, and then prepare themselves. But not so easy for us. Finally, after many years I realized that I genuinely wanted a baby, or even babies. That vacuum in life solidified. Each atom in my body started longing for the baby. And then one day, in a crowded bus, I was sitting in the back seat when a man got in with a toddler. He was trying to get some space to stand and squeeze to the front part of the bus. So he asked me to look after the child and left him on my lap while he pushed ahead through the jam-packed bus. The kid sat on my lap till the stop where the dad got down, and while sitting, he tightly held my hand with his tiny palm. Then it struck me- to love a child I don't really need it to belong to me biologically.
 |
I should mention here that later I found out that adoption was a much more complex, difficult process in India than doing any infertility treatment. But still I know for sure that if we were not successful with IVF, we would definitely have adopted. And it is something I really want to tell all couples undergoing treatment- do not worry if you do not have a baby biologically. Adopt a baby, and you will be happy. If you are not willing to do that, then maybe you are not yet mentally prepared to have a baby.
