How to make watching TV beneficial to young children

Like any other three or four year old, my triplets, especially my boys adore their superheroes. They watch animation and movie DVDs. Spider-man is their favorite, followed by Chota Bheem, and a few Malayalam superheroes like Dingan, Mayavi etc. Krishna is part God and part superhero. My instinct tells me that Kutty does not have too much interest in superheroes, but growing up with the boys is influencing her and she too actively watches the animations. They also love Lion King, Jungle Book, Life of Pi, Tom&Jerry etc. So do I worry about letting them watch these? Absolutely not. And that is because they do not watch it all the time. What they watch, we make sure, is benefiting them. How? Let me explain in this post on how to make watching TV beneficial to young children.

Animation, superheroes, stories and my triplets

1. I have not introduced TV programs to them. Sure, there are many channels which offer a lot of information to them, History, Animal Planet, National Geographic, Discovery etc., and many channels like KochuTV(Regional channel) and Cartoon Network that show programs ideal for young children. However DVD has an advantage. I get to choose what they see, and when they see it. Since the DVDs are there with us forever, they are assured that they can watch them anytime, and not when it is broadcast. They usually watch only during meal times. At the most they watch the screen for one and a half hours a day. At the most.
2. The repeated shows of the same DVD ensures that they enjoy the scenes they like, but eventually they get bored after a while, and thus move on to other activities. I don't think it is a good idea to let them know that there are endless, variety shows which they can keep watching without getting bored and switching channels. No, not yet. On day they will get to know, but I will handle the situation then.
3. I read to them, I tell them stories. They love the stories, and they love listening to my voice (when I am not yelling at them). Naturally, I am their mother- kids love their mom's voice. So, any day, they prefer my stories to whatever goes on on the screen. I ensure that my stories have superheroes wherever possible, many animals, their roaring or growling sounds, demons and Gods who fight and beat the demons, magic, food, colors, different countries and complicated names. It is infinitely interesting to watch their eyes light up, grow big, become dreamy as they imagine the scenes, and make up their own stories in their minds. The moment I finish telling the story of 'Black Beauty', one of them starts repeating it aloud while walking here and there, only difference is that Black Beauty becomes a calf, and te story alters to suit the calf- it does not run like the horse, but it will play and have its own adventures. So the moment I want them to stop watching a DVD, I offer to tell or read a story, and there, they are cuddling with me!
4. We speak Malayalam at home all the time. English movies and animations introduce them to the language, and make them get over any inhibitions they might have in the future while using the language. Also they see some Hindi DVDs, and they are familiar with the concept of many languages. Animations like Chota Bheem, Krishna and Balram etc. are very good for them to understand English. Also I am sure once they start using pencil and colors effectively, they will stat painting scenes from the stories they see.
5. They know that watching too much TV makes them couch potatoes and damages their eyes. The moment they stop watching the movie, they start playing- and such fun to watch the role-play. That, I must say, is one good part of having a threesome.
6. They know that Peter Parker got his superhero powers when super-spider bit him. But not only that. I tell them that he got the power because he is good in his heart, he behaves nicely, he helps his family and others, does not fight with others unnecessarily, uses his power to help others."With great power comes great responsibility". I show them how Peter empties his waste basket every night. How his uncle met with the tragic accident when Peter forgot his duties for a while. How a bad person given with power uses it to bad causes, and in turn ends up dead. Of course bad people when dead go straight to hell where Satan puts them in boiling water (they have seen this in Tom&Jerry and Krishna-Balram). So a person with a good heart and responsible behavior only gets super powers. Whenever one of them does something good, like keeping back toys in shelf after playing, or emptying their waste basket, I add a super-power point. When they make a tantrum, they lose a point. I tell them God adds up the points at the end of every week and bit by bit gives super powers, depending upon the number of points earned. Finally when there are thousands of points, you get to become powerful like Spider-man. But by then you are so good in helping others, that you will now to use the power responsibly. They believe that. But more importantly, I believe that, too. I believe in that so strongly that I come across very convincing. It does not change things overnight. They still have their fights, their tantrums, but there is a difference. The frequency is much less. Also they compete to help others and each other with little things, which I find very encouraging.

So, all in all, if you ask me, I would say let them watch TV. But limit the timing, do not leave the TV on all the while, tell them stories, show them how interesting and addictive books can be (just read out to them- they will understand). Play with them or watch them play. Listen to them while they play. Teach them to extract morals and values from what they see on the screen. Teach them to absorb the language. Surely TV time will be more enjoyable and instructive.

Here are some movies which my kids enjoy watching (me too!). 

Jesus, Ganesh and Triplets

Christmas season brought a few new characters to my kids' lives to tell stories about, while role-playing. So these days they are making up stories (in Malayalam) that go something like this- "Ganapathi (Lord Ganesh) wanted fruit and his mother Parvathy brought him that which a demon tried to take from him and suddenly Yesu (Jesus) came to the rescue and he jumped at the demon and Yesu and Ganapathy together attacked and killed the demon and Joseph and Mary came running to see if Yesu was hurt and Parvathy and Shiva told them no, there is no problem and then Muruka also came on a peacock so the whole Shiva family and Joseph family had a party and had a lot of fun together..."

Christmas Laughter!

Santa's Gifts

Santa took the lists from under The Kids’ pillows on 21st itself, so he will have enough time to make them all. He looked at the wishlists- there were at least 20 items in each one- and carefully chose one item from each list and gave it to the elves. “A toy laptop for the eldest, an iPhone for the middle one, and a robot that does all the homework, for the youngest!?” The elf looked at Santa with resignation and walked inside shaking his head and muttering under his breath “It used to be so much easier when kids only wanted wooden toys or cute dresses..damn this new technology…” Santa coughed, so the elf didn’t use the d-word again. The other elves were also working frantically on gifts, for all children. Finally by 24th night everything was ready. Elves relaxed and cheered while Santa loaded his cart with all the packed gifts with names on them and left for the houses, delivering. He reached The Kids’ house slightly after midnight. He sneaked into the bedroom and was surprised to hear muted conversation between the Kids. “Oh, they are waiting for me”, Santa thought, and gently placed the gifts under the bed and started to tip-toe out.

Then he heard them talk to each other. The eldest was saying-“I really hope Santa saw my latest wish and will bring me that fighter plane that really flies!”, “How can he?” the middle one said, “you just made the wish yesterday evening! But I think he will bring me that big spiderman that really crawls and jumps across buildings ..it is easier to make” Then the youngest chipped in-“ But you both changed your wish at least 17 times after the list was taken by Santa! I changed only five times- so I really think he’ll bring me my Barbie that drives the toy-car, with GPS”.. The eldest considered this a while and said, “Tell you what, all three of us will pray with all our soul to God, so Santa will listen. Dad told me Santa always listens”. All three agreed and they started praying. The kids’ innocent prayer with full faith. Santa felt helpless. He looked at his gift packets under the bed, sighed, and with a heavy heart walked out of the room to his waiting cart, invisible to grown-ups.

On the way out of the house he noticed a man ringing the door bell and waiting. The Kids’ father opened the door. “Delivery from YouBuyitallOnline, sir” The man was saying. “Oh, you guys are fast. And working this late?” Father said. “Christmas deliveries, Sir” The man smiled. “Okay, you got the plane, the spiderman and the GPS-Barbie?” Father asked. “Yes, sir. All ready” The man said as he took out the delivery form for father to put signature.

Santa glanced at the Heavens, and smiled to himself. He felt much lighter and filled with Christmas cheer as he moved ahead in his cart, watching the festivities and delivering blessings.

Christmas Fun!

Anganwadi in Kerala

A large, sunny room with tiny chairs, play equipment, educational toys, educational charts, books and mattresses for afternoon nap kept neatly folded in cupboards. An attached kitchen where nutritious food is being prepared, to be served hot in clean plates. A clean toilet on the other side. A large and shady outdoor play area. About a dozen excited kids singing rhymes or playing or riting on their slates while the teacher keeps an eye on all of them. They are taken good care of from 9.30am to 3.30pm, served nutritious and freshly cooked breakfast, lunch and evening snack, all of this given absolutely free! This is an anganwadi in Thrissur, Kerala.

However this is not the case with most anganwadis in the the state. Most of them function in a small building, with no open areas to play outdoors. They have their own new building with areas as per Government norms. There are regular inspections, so hygiene is ensured. Some, like the one mentioned above, are lucky to be attached to a primary school, where there is ample outdoor play area under the trees. However many of the anganwadis, especially the ones in city areas, have no buildings of their own, and have to function in rented rooms. The amount given by the Government is Rs.1000/-, and insufficient to rent a decent facility. As per the new early childhood education and care policy of the State government, an anganwadi will not be permitted to function in a building which has space less than 500 sq.ft. The local bodies are provided funds to purchase land and construct own buildings for the anganwadis. However, the funds are insufficient-just Rs.50,000 per cent. The functioning of an anganwadi is in the hands of one trained anganwadi worker and one ayah(maid). But they are paid very low wages and are given a lot of other responsibilities like helping with election duties, conducting door-to-door survey etc. All of this affect the quality of pre-school education given in an anganwadi. 
This post describes how the anganwadi where my children go functions. http://tripletshouse.blogspot.in/2015/06/our-anganwadi-in-thrissur.html

Rabbit and Tortoise

Rabbit was very fast. He wasn't smart, but fast. He kept winning races, and everybody expected him to win always, and go places. The pressure was enormous. Then he met the tortoise, and the clash of egos ended up in a race. Rabbit ran fast, as usual, knew he had to win, but the pressure and stress finally got to him. He fainted, then slept. When he woke up the world had changed. Those who admired him a few hours back now ridiculed him, they laughed at him. They even made proverbs about how slow and steady wins. Rabbit was crestfallen at first, then it hit him. He had his chance of escape. He knew if he challenged tortoise once more, he could easily win, and everything would be the same as before. But then he would be stressed again. He didn't want that. He wanted time for doing things he loved, not just winning races. He wanted to explore that Carrot country they said existed, he wanted to meet that long lost cousin of his who fled his forest, he wanted to learn to sing like the magpies, he wanted to write poetry, read books, listen to music, daydream, paint...

So he got up, walked like a beaten spirit, a failed champion, a miserable idiot. The world laughed, it was fine with him. He slowly made his way out of the racing track, moved out of sight, then he laughed out loud, and sprinted..sprinted with joy, for the first time, without the pressure of winning, just for the sheer pleasure of running like mad...

Preschool- Anganwadi

I took triplets to anganwadi today. It looked like a preschool of sorts, with around 10 kids attending. Parents are allowed to sit with them if needed, and I saw a child taking his first look at school sitting on his grandmother’s lap. Teacher took the weights of the kids and tried to make them say ‘Good morning’ and tried to make them sit in the small chairs. But they were a highly energized bunch, and ran to the many toy scooters and other play equipment arranged at the back. I left them there, and went to pick them up at noon time (Full day class from Tomorrow only). They were absolutely thrilled- Raman bubbling with what all happened at the school, Kutty role-playing as teacher, Balu singing the new rhyme they learned- it goes like “veedu nalla veedu, njan piranna veedu, ammayund veettil, ammayaanu daivam” (House, the fine house where I was born, where my mother resides, my mother is my God). It seems like they had a wonderful time. :D

Our Anganwadi in Thrissur

During our search for a good playschool we visited three anganwadis in our area in Thrissur. Anganwadi is a beautiful concept – a child-care and mother-care center sponsored by the Government of India. http://www.aanganwadi.org/ says “It caters to children in the 0-6 age group. The word means "courtyard shelter" in Hindi. They were started by the Indian government in 1975 as part of the Integrated Child Development Services program to combat child hunger and malnutrition. The Anganwadi system is mainly managed by the Anganwadi worker. She is a health worker chosen from the community and given 4 months training in health, nutrition and child-care. She is in charge of an Anganwadi which covers a population of 1000”. Food is cooked in the anganwadi and given to the children. Even though its primary aim is to fight malnutrition of children from poor families, it serves as a place to impart basic education and serves as a nursery school. Although these are primarily meant for low income and economically weaker sections, anganwadi is open to all. The number of admissions is very less, somehow the people for whom it is intended are either not aware or do not want to send their kids to the Govt facility.

The one functioning in the Govt School is closest to us, and also it seemed to have the most enthusiastic teacher-ayah team. So we went there to have a detailed look. The first thing we noticed was the rough floor- unpolished terracotta. And my kids are so used to glazed tiles and soft floors. Then there are only coir mats for an afternoon nap, on the floor. My kids don’t sleep even when they lie on a comfortable bed. Then it is slightly dark inside, unlike the very well lit interiors of private preschools. However, the place is clean. They cook food using clean water; the kitchen is attached to the main room. Breakfast is a pancake or cereal cooked using a powder provided by the Government. It is a mix of nine different grains and gram. Highly nutritious it seems. Thy give it at around 10 am, but if the kids come after breakfast from home, they give it a snack at around 11 am. Lunch is rice and green gram cooked together in gruel form. If the kids want to bring their own lunch, or any curry for lunch, they can do it. I mean we can do almost whatever we want in anganwadi, very much unlike a private play school. After lunch is nap time, till 3 pm. When they wake up, they are given a snack made of broken wheat. If the kid does not want to eat it, he can take it home. At 3.30 pm, they close.

During the time between meals the kids are taught rhymes, action songs, moral stories, proverbs etc. They have prescribed syllabus- very simple stuff like ‘Teach about family, friends and relationships in the first month, School, garden and flowers and birds in the second month’ etc. By the end of the year the child learns to identify and may be write a few alphabets and learns to count till 20 or so. Then they can move on to lower kindergarten. The care and food here in an anganwadi is absolutely free, against Rs.3000/- to Rs.5000/- per month per child in a private preschool.

If it works well, it is a great concept- the anganwadi. The child is given nutritious food freshly cooked and free of cost. Basic education is given with no pressure whatsoever, and the timing and rules are also relaxed, befitting the adjusting pre-schooler. It is hygienic; there is regular inspection by the supervisors. However, it all depends on the particular anganwadi worker’s attitude. We found that some of them are very, very dedicated, and wanted to do whatever was possible for them; while some others were totally indifferent or downright discouraging- no wonder the number of kids are only 1-4 in each anganwadi. In fact, we were ready to help in whatever way we could- I mean we are getting free child care, free food (if our kids eat it), and free basic education, during the working hours when we both had to go. Since all other play schools and day care centers cost quite a lot we were saving a lot of money for three kids. So we were ready to spend money on improving the basic infrastructure of the anganwadi room if in case they needed anything. But we saw that good facilities were provided by the Govt.- good books, alphabets and picture charts, maps, activity stuff, toys, chairs, storage shelves, mats, buckets, bowls, plates etc. All they needed was a little more lighting. However not all anganwadis are fortunate like this. The main issues faced by anganwadis in Kerala are given in this post http://tripletshouse.blogspot.in/2016/01/anganwadi-in-kerala.html

Preschools in Kerala - what is best for my Triplets?

Early education or the education a child gets before he or she starts school is very important. So I went through information and parents' reviews about various preschools in Kerala, and tried to decide what was best for my triplets. Here playschool or preschool starts at age three, lower kindergarten at age four and upper kindergarten at age five. At six to six a half years they start first standard or primary school. 

In this highly competitive world, parents tend to consider preschool as school itself, where the child is made to read and write, thus giving him or her an academic background intended to give a head start in school. However I believe that the lasting value of preschool education is not that it gives a head start in school, but a head start in life. I think preschools are or should be more for developing socializing skills, to meet with other kids of the same age and learn to play and share together. At home the young child is always instructed to do things in a particular way. Preschool is the place where the child is free from his or her parents' supervision for the first time, and where he or she learns to take decisions about how to behave, how to be hygienic, how to talk to others, how to eat without having food all over the place and many such small things. They will have an adult to watch over them, to advise and help and comfort when needed, but that person is not their parent, so they cannot make too much of tantrums. I also wish for my triplets to go to a preschool where playing outdoors is encouraged.

So how do I get to begin their education in the right way? And what exactly is the right way, if there is one? At three years they are extremely receptive. I mean I sing a rhyme to them and the second time they sing along. I show them an animal picture and they catch the name in both English and Malayalam, they ask what sound the animal makes and they get it the second time I tell them. I get angry at something they’ve done, I threaten to beat them, and the next moment I see one of them threatening the other with the same words. Sometimes when they repeat my own words I feel so ashamed at having uttered them. So, yes, they are indeed blotting papers, absolutely pure, absolutely innocent and absolutely willing to learn and the big question is what to teach, how, when and where.

We started sending them to a day-care. We kept putting off sending them due to their small size, health problems like cold, allergies and all, but the talk of the ‘school’ was going on in the family for quite some time and they were very excited when the big day arrived. So we dressed them up, took snacks and all, and me and Ramesh took them to ‘school’.  There were 12 kids that day in the day-care.  My triplets were overjoyed seeing the other kids and toys and all, and immediately went to play and run around. There are a few toys- animals, scooters, building blocks etc. The staffs are warm and welcoming. The staff (girls, around 20-25 years old) told us that they would feed lunch by noon itself, and nap time is from 12.30- 3 pm, after which they can have the snacks that they have brought along from home. If they stay longer (the day-care closes at 5.30 pm only), they will be allowed to play outside. There is a cute slide, seesaw and some swings outside. We were not allowed to sit there for long as it might disturb the other kids, so we left. Ramesh was much more nervous than I was, so he dropped me at the library and came back and waited at the gate till 12.30, picked them up and came to the library. We went home, kids thoroughly excited and happy.

Next couple of days I dropped them off in the morning and picked them up early afternoon. Things went smooth as I did not have anything else to do. But then my vacation ended and I had no option but to pack lunch for them. After lunch all the kids were supposed to nap. But my threesome simply wouldn’t sleep but run around, trying the patience of the staff at the day-care. The staffs were sweet about it as much as they could, but I am sure they lost their patience after a while. Whatever the reason, triplets are reluctant to go to ‘school’ anymore, unless I pick them up before nap time. They also have a bit of stomach upset etc.

Anyway, this month (June) we need to find a playschool too, as they are three years old and they have to start kindergarten next June. We found that they have outgrown day-care, and are mentally ready for some serious education, although nothing forced. The day-care that they go to now has a playschool too, where classes will start in two weeks. Once playschool starts, all the older kids- 3 ¼ years and above (that includes my triplets too)- will go upstairs to the playschool. Playschool timing is from 9.30 am-12.30 pm, after which if we want they will let the kids sit at the day-care downstairs. In the playschool there is a uniform, kids have their own bag, books, pens etc., and they will be taught alphabets, counting etc., in preparation for LKG (Lower Kindergarten) next year. It is a fairly good place, not too expensive, they have a good play area and the staffs are good. However the number of kids is 25, which we find a little too many.  So we decided to wait a bit before sending them to this particular playschool.

During our search for a good playschool we visited three anganwadis in our proximity. Although these are primarily meant for low income and economically weaker sections, anganwadi is open to all. The number of admissions is very less, somehow the people for whom it is intended are either not aware or do not want to send their kids to the Govt facility. Somehow I found anganwadis very appealing, and we discussed sending our triplets to the one near our house. One of my colleagues used to send her kid to an anganwadi, and she said they take good care of the kids; they serve good food, hot and clean. At first my whole family was absolutely against it. Then as we talked about the pros and cons, my father supported me, and finally we reached a consensus that we will send them to an anganwadi for a month, see how it turns out, and if needed, by July 1^st, we will send them to one of the private playschools. This one month will be enough to decide which playschool has minimum admission so that they get special care and attention (most playschools are overcrowded- three caretakers looking after 25 three-year-old kids is not at all comfortable). So I and Ramesh went around looking for the right anganwadi. Among the three we visited, one is functioning in a class room in a Government school, one in a small shed behind a house in a crowded mixed use area, and the third one in a brand new single-storey building of around 200 sq ft, tightly squeezed between two houses in a very crowded low-income residential street. All three had one teacher (a middle aged lady) and one ayah (maid) who cooks and cleans. The maximum number of kids that come to an anganwadi is ten it seems, however the maximum number we found was five- they too, come in an irregular basis. 
The one functioning in the Govt School is closest to us, and also it seemed to have the most enthusiastic teacher-ayah team. So we went there to have a detailed look. So we zeroed in on this- just ten minutes walking distance.

I think in the first few days we can see how things work out. If the kids are OK with the teachers, timings, food etc., we can continue here till LKG. Otherwise after a month or so we can shift them to one of the private playschools.

Garudan Thookkam Vazhipadu

March 23, 2015 was Garudan Thookkam at Pazhaveedu Bhagavathy Temple, Alappuzha.

Garudan thookkam is a ritual that comes as part of Meena Bharani festival of the temple. It is there in many Mahaakaali temples in Kerala.

The story is like this- The two fierce Asuras (demons) prayed to Lord Brahma who granted them their boon of immunity from death at the hands of any man, and that only a woman would kill them. The duo became very powerful and started conquering the universe, killing many innocents and rishis during the process. After several attempts by the gods to defeat them, Lord Siva created the angry and powerful Goddess Bhadrakali from his third eye. Devi went on to challenge the demons and a fierce battle ensued, in which a lion carried Devi on its back. In the end Goddess killed the demons and was so very angry that the god feared Her anger might destroy the world. The bhoothagana, servants of Lord Siva, danced in front of her to reduce her anger. Lord Siva Himself lay down in front of Her so She could dance on His chest, so that the world would not shatter when She stamped Her feet. Then the Goddess calmed a bit, but was still thirsty (some stories say that the lion was thirsty). Then Lord Vishnu pricked a hook at the back of his vehicle, the Garuda (the Eagle God). A dancing and bleeding Garuda was taken to Kali and She was offered three drops of blood which quenched the thirst.

Garudan Blessing 

The festival lasts for more than a week although the main ritual is only for a day. The whole town celebrates. In memory of the Bhoothangana dance, a Padayani- song and dance ritual wearing masks-is performed. The vaadyamelam (musical) with Thappu (an instrument cut from jackfruit tree hardwood and covered with buffalo hide) is very loud and powerful- it is called asuravadya. Padayani comes from all parts of the vicinity and goes to temple. Also there are thalappolis on most days of the week, and temple Para. Then on the day,  there is Garudan thookkam where the people who dress up as Garuda perform a colourful dance. After the dance performance, the Garuda dangles from a shaft hooking the skin on his back. The ritual is performed colourfully with Garudas taken in a procession on hand pulled carts (chaad).The drop of blood is offered to the Goddess. The Goddess is supposed to be extremely powerful at the time. She is covered in sandal paste, dressed up in rich silk udayadas and thick gold ornaments. Her face radiates the glow and strength of the feminine at its most powerful form. There is electricity in the air, and one can actually touch and taste the devotion. Tears well up and the whole being concentrates on the prayer that comes naturally from the soul and flows out through the lips.

This year the vazhipaadu was from our home. Father was working on it for the past one year. He prepared the house so that Garuda can have a separate room for dressing up etc. All relatives, friends, neighbours and acquaintances were invited. Meals were arranged at home for everyone, as well as accommodation for family members who came from afar, and also for others who needed it. All details were taken care of by father and a few of his friends, who were extremely helpful throughout. The effort and expense was even more than arranging a fairly big time Kerala Hindu style wedding ceremony at home. But it was worth it. I especially enjoyed the family reunion, although really missed the dear ones who went on to the next life in the recent past.

On 23rd morning we all gathered in front of the house, chatting and swapping stories. By afternoon the two devotees who were to be Garudas of the day reached along with their entourage who started dressing them up for the ritual. By evening the Padayani melam came and performed in front of the house. My triplets enjoyed it all, and they played without a break with their cousins of their age group. After dinner I brought them to one of the rented guest rooms, and they slept. At mid night Garudas were ready and the dance started. They danced for about an hour along with the Padayani melam, and the fire performances in between was spellbinding. There were some fireworks too. Garudas blessed all of us. I watched it for some time, then returned to the room, to be there just in case the babies woke up. Everyone else went with the Garudas to the chaad, and then there was dancing on the chaad. It was pulled and taken to the temple, where Garudas took some babies in their arms and blessed. The babies were scared and crying. Afterwards the Hanging of the Eagle God was performed. Then as daylight started coming, everyone went home- to sleep off the day.

'Triplets Kerala' pirannal

Yesterday was 'Triplets Kerala' pirannal (third). Kumbham 1st. The day turned out to be eventful- not very pleasant events either.

My father had a slight fever day before yesterday. Yesterday at 5.00 am he got and was going to charge his cell phone when he fainted and fell under the staircase, and the back of his head hit the stair edge, cutting the skin and causing some bleeding. We got real frightened, Ramesh and mother took him to the hospital, got the cuts stitched and dressed and they came back after some time. I took leave and stayed at home. He was doing all right till the evening, when suddenly his left leg started hurting. By midnight the pain was too much and we got scared about neurological concussions. Early morning they went to the hospital again and learned that it was a displaced bone, and got it bandaged too. The whole house is upset, we have a temple function next week (of which I shall write then), and father wants to be present for that. Cannot predict how everything will turn out.

On lighter note, triplets have started referring to themselves as 'I' most of the time, instead of the usual name. Instead of saying 'Balu will get it', Balu says 'I will get it'.

Communication between them has improved considerably. Until now they used language with each other just to show off their knowledge of handling language, as a means to prove superiority. Noe that all three have achieved pretty good handle of it, they have started to actually communicate with language. Very cute to hear. Also the way they take the dolls, make up stories and tell that. Refereeing is one major effort now, as they start throwing tantrums all of a sudden, throwing toys at each other's face, pushing each other forcefully, sometimes even biting each other, or hitting each other- sometimes in play, sometimes in a fight. It is really scary at times and requires all our alertness. The game gets dangerous all too soon.

If anyone starts to scold, Raman has a habit of running to his grandmom and crying and complaining to her, or if she is not available, running to the bedroom and lying on the bed sucking his thumb (no, he still has not got rid of it). Today he bit Balu for which Ramesh started to give a mock punishment, when he ran to the bedroom, saw it was closed because his granddad was resting inside. He ran to the kitchen, found no one there, and passed us and ran to the living room. The way he was running looking for a shoulder or pillow to cry was so funny that Ramesh started laughing and called him to come and cry on his shoulder. Next moment we saw Raman come in carrying a big cushion from the living room sofa which he placed on the floor before Ramesh, lay on it and started to weep. But by now, his grief was forgotten and he too started grinning!

Balu does all the intelligent plays now, filling a tin with different sized balls and blocks in different combinations, and trying to close it etc. He can pour water from one jug to another without spilling it. Kutty is polishing her role playing skills daily. :)

Reflections

‘Teri aankhon ke siwa duniya mein rakha kya hai

in mein mere aane waale zamaane ki tasveer hai

chaahat ke kaajal se likhi hui meri taqdeer hai

ye uthe subah chale ye jhuke shaam dhale

mera jeena mera marna inhi palkon ke tale’

Loosely translated-

What is there in this world except your eyes

In them (I can see) the image of my future (generations)

Also my destiny, written with the kohl of love

When they look up, morning sun shines, when they are cast down, twilight comes

My life and my demise depend on these eyelashes…

A smitten lover sings this beautiful song to his lady love, in the movie ‘Chiraag’ (1969) (lyricist : Majrooh Sultanpuri, music: Madan Mohan, singer: Mohammed Rafi). I especially like the line- 'in mein mere aane waale…’- (The exact translation would be ‘In your eyes resides the image of my time that is yet to come’, but I prefer the loose translation). It talks not about a momentary infatuation, nor a love that will last a life time, not even a love between two people that is eternal. But it talks about a bond that had been, and will be continuing through generations. It is not between two people alone. When he looks into her eyes, he can see how his sons and daughters are going to be like, and their sons and daughters, too. And when he sees his daughter, he can see a part of his own, and her (his lover lady’s) own, mother, and grandmother. They are just a couple in a timeless bond, a bond that is so natural, so much a part of evolution, that there is no way it can be broken, no way it cannot exist.

In India generally marital bond is (or at least, it was) considered timeless, a strong bond between families, between clans, communities, kingdoms, generations. We have that culture encoded in our system and so it is taken for granted that once married, we remain married, forever. Usually a young couple’s married life is colorful and joyful in the first few years. Then it becomes even more joyful and meaningful once a baby enters their lives. The whole family- including all relatives take part in the rearing of the children, and children are supposed to belong not only to the parents, but to the entire family, their past and future generations. The right for taking decisions on the children’s education, their diet, clothing, play times etc. are vested upon everyone. This has changed considerably in the recent past (in a way for good, in a way for bad) still some values of the bygone culture remains. And that gives us a certain assurance and feeling of security when we think about our family relationships.

Why am I telling this now? Will tell you in the next post. 

Triplets now three years old !

CELEBRATING THIRD BIRTHDAY TODAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLINGS...muaaahh...

                           

My triplets are three years old today. On their third birthday I am thinking of how much they have grown, and changed, from the babies we saw at birth. Not in terms of physical development or motor skills or speech, which they have acquired more or less in the same way as other babies (Thank God for that, there usually is a development delay for multiples), but in terms of their relationships with us, with each other, the talents they have developed, their individuality becoming clearer by day. Also about how much we have changed, from being carefree and career oriented to parenting triplets, that too parenting triplets in Kerala, where parenting multiples is mostly fun, whole family and relatives taking part in the process, and at the same time parenting multiples is difficult, due to unavailability of supportive mechanism in terms of available products for intended for multiples in the market.

It is fun to observe the triplets’ relationship with each other, their love for each other, and jealousy with each other. Also the way triplets have developed their own individualities and preferences.  I will try to analyse one by one. Raman- is the most babyish among them, even though he is the eldest. His development in terms of motor skills is a bit less than the others- meaning he can't climb on top of the cupboard as easily as Balu, and also (which concerns me somewhat) he can't tie his shoes on his own. His speech was a bit delayed, but now he is the one who speaks poetically about the sky and the sun and moon and the rain, and dramatically about elephants and trains. He likes to play all the time, run around, and mostly he likes to play with the other two. He has deep and special love for Balu and Kutty, expressed in many ways, but his love for Balu is also coated with intense jealousy. He is also a bit lazy at times (surprisingly he maintains that characteristic from his 'within womb' days). He has a tendency to fall down, I mean all three will be running around and if you hear someone falling, it is invariably Raman. He also has deep love for us and his grandparents, and he is quite easy, relaxed and confident in his social relationships- with both relatives and strangers. He has affinity for all toys, trains and other vehicles, and animals (not at all frightened of anything), and does all boys plays. His main talent is in drumming and dancing with a rhythm. He is the most artistic of the three.

Kutty is just the girl that she is. She loves stories, asking me to tell stories all the time. She loves books too, and whenever we go shopping, Kutty makes sure to get her favorite children's books. She memorizes all characters in these stories- their names, even the ones I can't seem to memorize. (But she doesn't know names of vegetables or doesn't know to count properly). Nowadays she likes to go upstairs and sit alone with her toys, playing and telling stories, and she can do this for up to an hour. She keeps asking questions- sometimes getting on my nerves, like 'why do we take a bath?', 'to clean ourselves', 'why do we have to clean ourselves?', 'so that we are healthy', 'why do we have to be healthy/', 'so we can go out', 'why do we have to go out/', 'to play', 'why do we play?' and so on and on and on. She loves both brothers and pretends that Raman is her son(loves to hug and kiss him), and Balu is her husband. She loves to goody-goody, and advise her brothers, and while playing she keeps telling stories. She has a taste for music, I think, but can be just a passing interest. She has sense of humor, finds something to laugh about in almost everything, which is a blessing most of the time. She passes wisecracks, and jokes, and laughs at her own jokes. She is happy to be with us, but is reserved with others, relatives or strangers, and takes her own time to mingle. 

Balu undoubtedly has the most IQ, and best motor skills. He can climb anywhere, and can fix any toy, and can operate all electronic equipment if once-just once-we show him how to. He loves to dress well, shoes and all, and imitate adults. He knows to do things, and knows that he knows, which makes situations difficult for us because many things we cannot permit him to have a go at, like say, operating the remote control or mobile phone (both of which he loves), even though we feel bad about it because we know he can do it in the correct way. He does all chores too, and does everything in a perfectionist way- like if someone keeps the toothpaste on shelf two instead of one, he gets agitated. He loves both Kutty and Raman and loves to play with them, but his love is intensely intertwined with jealousy. He simply cannot stand if they get to use a toy before him, and will start crying. He also has a deeper affection for his father and my mother, and somewhat keeps a distance from me, mostly because I scold him for taking things he is not supposed to take. He has mechanical skills and we think he will develop culinary skills from the way he likes food and observes how it is cooked, and tries to imitate it with his toys. He does not have any liking for toys that simply are toys, and do not run, or make sounds or other stuff. He likes pets, but is very, very frightened of dark rooms, being alone etc.- he cannot even imagine sitting alone upstairs, the way Kutty does. He is also not very confident in his social relationships, and is a bit insecure, but can nevertheless easily develop relations if he wants to, with his charming smile and mannerisms.

If we adults are not present, they play without any fights. But we always watch over them to prevent accidents, and these results in them craving for our attention causing jealousy with each other and fights. But usually they are together, and if something happens to one, the other two are extremely concerned. We also find it quite easy to travel with all three, especially to temples, parks and zoo and close by places, as they are very, very adjusting during these trips.

To conclude, the trio has grown to become real individuals in the three years!

  

Triplets update on 12 Feb 2015

Afternoon, on a holiday.. Usually this time all three should be asleep. High time they started playschool but have not started yet. Today I have Balu for company. He generally does not like to nap in the afternoon. He sleeps early at night (11.30 pm, that is!) and gets up late (10 am). He is more sharp and intelligent than the the other two. If something is shown to him, he absorbs and understands it the first time itself, whereas Raman takes some more time- we have to show something at least thrice for him to really grasp the technique. Kutty does not bother with understanding things that she is not interested in, but if she wants, she can learn it if we show it may be two times. She has good memory of stories, characters etc. Balu remembers techniques well. Raman is good in his acting, performing skills. Balu is a special character- he does everything- if we ask him to keep something safely, he does it. He can dress up himself, shoes and all. He can eat by himself, he got potty trained first, he learns rhymes very fast. He can bear pain well, he would not cry if he falls down or even cuts himself. But he also has some bad habits- like throwing things, throwing a tantrum. He is very jealous at times, of his siblings. If he does not like something he would devise some way to avoid it. Like if he does not like a shirt, and if we make him wear it, somehow he will find a way to make it dirty or pour water on it, so we will be forced to change his shirt. But there is absolutely no doubt that he is smarter than the other two, and he will survive any adverse situations. Here I have a very independent son, who is absolutely adorable when he wants to be so, and absolutely naughty at some other times. :D

My triplets - when they get sick

My triplets are playing outside in the evening. I am very careful they do not put their hands anywhere near their mouths or nose. They know now that healthy habit includes washing one's hands before eating or putting it in the mouth, so they are careful too. I let them play in the sun (we need vitamin-D, immunity) and sometimes in slight rain too. Not a problem usually. We have Mily (pet dog) and Goldy (pet cat) and some of Goldy's friends visiting. They are exposed to animal hair. Again immunity to allergens. Not a problem. They wash hands after they play with and touch the animals. I am proud of them.

But today,it is particularly dusty. The strong breeze (Palakkadan kaattu) brings loads of dust. Also the mosquitoes have started to swarm. They sneeze at times. I ask them to stop the play and get inside. They are waiting for the moon to come, street lamps to come on, and the baang vili from the nearby mosque. At long last, by 7 pm I am able to get them inside. We rush to the bathroom. I give the trio a long, nice, hot bath. They play together, with the many toys in the water in the bucket, laughing all the way. Now they are clean, fragrant like the flowers they are, and we rush to the next stop- a dinner of dosa (rice pancakes). They sit in their respective seats and eat two dosas each. Today is a fairly good day, at times there is big fight between me and them over food. they just won't eat. But not today. They eat to my heart's content.

After the pancakes they play inside for a while, Ramesh arrives, all four of them play, or go out for a short drive, giving me enough time to finish my own bath and prayers. After they are back, they have a few spoonfuls of rice porridge (kanji) and sometimes a bit of seasonal fruits. The toys are scattered everywhere. They help me or my mother to put them back in the shelf (Not so easy- requires a lot of yelling to get them to do it, sometimes it feels better to do it ourselves). By now Ramesh has finished walking and feeding Mily, and the cats, and his bath too. I brush the trio. (They like to brush, but getting each one near the wash basin needs another round of yelling). Then again they have a round of a brief body bath, after which they are taken directly to the bed. Now it is about  9.30 pm. We take turns finishing our dinner and sitting on the bed with them while they jump around on the bed. The sneezing keeps coming back, it worries me. It is cold outside, so we close the window, but it is very stuffy inside. The humidity is building up.

They go to sleep one by one by around midnight (no kidding, they are yet to learn to go early to bed and early to rise), and I sit with my computer- checking mails, and other things. I have a class tomorrow, and also discussion with the two thesis students whom I am guiding, who have a viva coming up next week. I prepare for both and go to sleep by around 2 am. Ramesh is asleep, he has to get up at 4.30 am and leave for office.

I wake up in the morning and find that Balu has a cold. His nose is running. So no play outside for anyone today. I go to college, my parents look after them. I am back at lunch time, and find that Balu is crying. Kutty's nose has started running too. Raman is seeking attention. All three whining. My parents exhausted and angry. I give them lunch, sit with the trio while my parents eat. Afterwards it is nap time. The only hour during the day when my parents can rest. So my mother takes Balu to his cradle, rocks it. He starts coughing. I am rocking Raman's cradle with one hand, and holding Kutty and rocking her in my other hand. My hand is hurting, but usually she sleeps in fifteen minutes, so I carry her till she sleeps. This is the only way she would sleep. After a few minutes she throws up all over me and all over the floor. Raman was half asleep, now he wakes up fully. I rush Kutty to teh wash basin so she can complete what she started. All the lunch which was fed so painstakingly, telling stories and all, is on the floor and in the wash basin. I clean her, lay her on the cot, clean myself, change my dress and wipe the floor. By now Balu is coughing away, and mother lays him next to Kutty. All three are awake. No plans to sleep anymore. I am needed at college, but I don't think I can go now. So I take the afternoon leave, and ask my thesis students to meet me at home in the evening. I sit with the three by now, very sick and very irritable kids.

Now they all want the same toy, all want something that is kept on the berth, all want to go upstairs. Tears flow down, along with litres of running nose. Eyes are swollen, faces red. Coughing crying all around. I want to pick up each one and hold and soothe, but not possible as I can't carry all and all three want to be held. So I sit down with them trying to hug, but no point. They wriggle out, keep crying, and start throwing toys everywhere and at each other. Three of us adults have no option but yell at the sick babies. Now we have some medicines, so we give cough syrup and syrup to relieve mucus. We hold each to the electric steamer. Things settle a bit but still the crying continues. This goes on till late night until they finally go to a very cough-disturbed sleep. Afterwards we, the adults, gather the scattered toys, clean up, have dinner, do the dishes, have bath and are ready for bed. All of us are exhausted. Kids are in bed with Ramesh. It is around 12.30 am. I quickly go through my class notes etc. and get to bed downstairs. I am in a coma when suddenly I hear Ramesh calling for me. Kutty threw up again, now on the bed and floor. We pick up the now-crying Balu and Raman, sit them on the downstair bed, clean up Kutty, change her and place her also with them. She wants to cling on to us. Ramesh holds her while I change the bed sheets and wipe the floor. Again we lay all three to sleep. I go to dip the bed sheets in water so the vomit does not dry on it. I get back, Kutty is asleep, Ramesh is rocking Balu. I pick up Raman, rocks him for half an hour and he also sleeps. We lay them gently and I get to bed finally and call it a day by 3 am. Thus starts a week  (minimum)of sickness, crying, running noses, coughing, sometimes fever, sleepless nights, stress at the workplace, yelling at home, feeling disappointed and angry all the time.

In the first few months the babies were extremely protected as instructed by the doctors. But once they gained enough weight, we made sure that they got enough exposure to the sun and elements (a little bit of rain, dust, pet hair etc), to develop their immunity, and get enough vitamin-D. Whenever they got a cold, or a fever, we followed Akka's prescriptions. Usually just 2-3 doses of Paracetamol for fever (Fepanil), Mucolite and Tixylix combined with steam inhalation for cough and Cetzin, if any possibility of allergens in the air. When they were babies, steam inhalation was done by placing a pot of boiled water (with tulsi, panikkoorka (Indian Borage) etc) in their room. Once they were a year old, they started inhaling steam from an electric steamer. For fever we also apply small pieces of cloth dipped in warm water on the forehead. For mucus, it is good to have a bit of onion juice mixed with rock candy. Only once we had to give antibiotics as the cough and cold came recurring.

While using electric steamer be careful to keep your hand over his face, so you know when the heat becomes too much.

When they were about two years old, they got Hands-Foot-Mouth disease. This is just a viral disease, with blisters on the skin. Very uncomfortable, but not dangerous or painful (unless it affects inside of mouth). They had some Homoeo medicines for this, and the it got cured in about a week. Akka said it would have gone anyway, after the virus ran it course, but we just wanted to comfort ourselves thinking that we are giving some medication.

Kutty and Raman both got deep cuts on their forehead after falling on sharp surfaces. Three stitches for Kutty, done by a plastic surgeon (so that there will not be any mark left on the face- but the faint scar remains now also- cost us Rs.4000/- for the plastic surgeon), and four stitches for Raman (normal stitching- Rs150/-, scar almost similar to Kutty's!). I still shudder at the memory of blood gushing out from the wounds(some eight months between the two injuries).

A minor problem we faced was occasional constipation. This was usually cured when they had some fruits, but as Raman was a fussy eater, it was more difficult with him. We had to use suppositories at times. But a few weeks back we started a routine of making him sit on the potty at a fixed time everyday, and this solved the problem entirely. 

Potty training

Finally they have come out of their diapers. Occasionally we use them for a good night's sleep when they are not well, but other than that, now they have learned to use potty. We bought this Piyo Piyo potty online. It is expensive compared to the others, but there are a few advantages. We could use it as pot when required, and also as potty seat for the adults' toilet on which we could let them sit safely holding the ears of the bear. This makes cleaning using a health faucet easier and more hygienic.

We found that getting them to use potty at a fixed time everyday is very important. Initially we had to really make them sit on it, by offering toilet them play with our shampoo bottles, soap etc. Now they come and sit on the potty without any fuss. This has become a healthy routine, and we find that many stomach problems, general health issues are solved now! It took so long for us actually, most of our friends' babies established the routine much earlier- at 18 months or 20 months. We waited some time, to make the transition smooth and together for all three.

Play time: Toys for toddlers and Outings

Long time since last post. I am kind of busy with teaching, practice and a research paper I am intending to present in the coming week. At home everything is going well. Finally my toddlers are potty trained, although at night we still use diapers, mainly because they sleep late and wake up late, so it is difficult to wake them up in between to use the potty. Next week we should start play school, which might make them sleep early and wake up early.

Sunday afternoon is outing time. Temples (especially Vadakkumnathan temple at Thrissur), parks, zoo, beach and malls are the favorite places of visit for my trio. Vazhani dam is also close by, and the view is stunning here, although what they enjoy in Vazhani is the long walk and playing in the park rather than the view. They now know many animals and a few birds (some from the sound also, like crow, koel, magpie robin, babblers etc), flowers and vegetables. They understand colors and can arrange toys according to colors&sizes. 

Vazhani Dam

These are some of their favorite toys and cycles. The stacking cubes, stacking rings and First blocks are good to develop sense of shape and color. They love the Magic car (though they call it train!!). That and the BSA cycle are their favorite mode of transport. Also the card board box transformed to be a favorite toy for the toddlers!

Wonderful handmade toyhouse :) !!