Updated on 7th February 2014
Many times I thought about this page- whether to mention this or not. At last I decide that I should tell that story too, due to two reasons- 1. It is an integral part of the story of my triplets. Will never be forgotten. 2. It might in some way help someone in similar situation. If I had some kind of a guidance, this page would not have been there. I am going to write the post in a very unemotional way, just as things happened without mentioning the great emotional stress, anxiety, fear and worries that I had to undergo during my pregnancy which was complicated enough in the first place, without any of these.
Many times I thought about this page- whether to mention this or not. At last I decide that I should tell that story too, due to two reasons- 1. It is an integral part of the story of my triplets. Will never be forgotten. 2. It might in some way help someone in similar situation. If I had some kind of a guidance, this page would not have been there. I am going to write the post in a very unemotional way, just as things happened without mentioning the great emotional stress, anxiety, fear and worries that I had to undergo during my pregnancy which was complicated enough in the first place, without any of these.
I am a teacher in a Government institution, and we have this opportunity to do our higher studies under quality improvement program. We get our full salaries during the period of our P.G or Ph. D course, only thing is that we have to execute a bond saying that we will serve the government for a specific period of time (4-6 years) after successful completion of the course, without resigning, or without taking long leaves of any sort. The application and bond has to be approved by the Director's office, and also by the Higher Education Department of the Government. A very good and convenient system, for which all of us junior teachers who join the job without a P.G. are thankful. Thus I too executed a bond, and joined my P. G. in Chennai.
The first two semesters went exceptionally well, I enjoyed the new place, new college, new-found thirst for knowledge, new friendships, new energy. My colleague and senior during my undergraduate course was also there, and she stayed in the same paying guest accommodation as me. In November 2011 my father had a severe cardiac arrest, and I came back and stayed at the hospital for a few days. We decided that we should continue the treatment- at least that much we should do for our parents, who are really desperate for a grandchild.
So we did our first IVF during my vacation (semester break of month after first two semesters). This was due to two reasons- 1. we were not getting any younger, and everyone advised that continuing the treatment and having a family is more important than any studies or career advancement. 2. we hoped that if I indeed got pregnant, I would still be able to continue the course until a week before delivery or so, and then can complete the course right after delivery and in another year life would be so much better.
So we did our first IVF during my vacation (semester break of month after first two semesters). This was due to two reasons- 1. we were not getting any younger, and everyone advised that continuing the treatment and having a family is more important than any studies or career advancement. 2. we hoped that if I indeed got pregnant, I would still be able to continue the course until a week before delivery or so, and then can complete the course right after delivery and in another year life would be so much better.
How very wrong we turned out to be!
During the terrifying weeks of OHSS when I knew I was pregnant, I still hoped that I would be able to continue the third semester when college opened in July. But when the scan revealed triplets, travelling to Chennai became out of the question, as described in this post.
The first thing I wanted to know was if I could go back to Chennai. DrTC said, yes, I could, but then if there was some mild problem, or if there was a spotting, then I might have to visit a hospital there, and as soon as they found out about the multiples, they’d make me stay in the hospital. Unknown hospital, unknown people, unknown city. And if there was any serious problem, then every single person in the family would blame me for going. So, really it was up to me to decide, and yet I had no options. I said I had a comfortable room to stay, good helping friends around. Doctor laughed at this and said I was saying all these because I had no idea how complicated and difficult life could become during pregnancy. Ramesh offered that he could come and stay with me, and again Dr said, the problem was that things were unpredictable. If something happened then all the effort, all the sufferings, all the money, all the prayers and hope everything would be wasted. And so, finally I had to face that tough moment of actually realizing that I was not going anywhere for the next year. I could not believe it.
As I had to undergo bed rest Ramesh and LR ma'am (cousin, friend and boss, she was always very supportive) went to Chennai, and my
teachers were
quite happy to learn the good news. After a very easy procedure of giving an application with medical certificate, I got my study period extended to another year. I was asked to join back in July 2012, when third semester started for our junior batch, and I would complete the course along with that batch. I would miss my friends I knew, still I could not ask for anything more! Then Ramesh went to my own institution, where again my colleagues were happy, and a leave was sanctioned for three months, which I could extend after three months.
Still, the ease with which the leave was sanctioned made me feel a bit uneasy. So I asked my husband to go to the Director's office, six hours away from my hospital, and inform the office about the developments. There he was informed that the procedure was not correct, I should have informed about my leave earlier itself, and even if I had informed, it would not have been any use because as I was discontinuing the course, even for a year, I was supposed to repay the salaries I received in the previous year, with interest. Also they were skeptical about the genuineness of my case. The medical certificate was from a private hospital, and thus unacceptable.
None of what happened was anybody's fault. The rules simply did not take into account cases like mine. After my husband returned I searched all possible clauses and service rules and previous government orders in similar cases. The rule said that in a QIP course, the study leave is given for two years together without any break, and if someone needed extension (due to, say, an extended semester), then an application for extension can be given at the end of the two years, and the extended period will be considered as leave without salaries or other benefits. But there was no mention of course breaks due to medical reasons. And no mention of maternity leave. I could not complain because, may be I was not supposed to get pregnant during a post graduate course under QIP. So I sent my husband back again with a request for extension of the course and also asking to take my case under humanitarian considerations. They took the application and request, and later forwarded it the Higher Education Department of the Government with a note saying that my case could not be considered genuine as there is no solid proof, and as there is no rule for extension. Thankfully, before this forwarding note reached the Government we got to know about it. Then through one of my husband's friend's friend, who knew the Director personally, we were able to convince the Director that we were not lying, and that I was indeed undergoing bed rest due to multiple pregnancy. This eased matters considerably and the Director informed the Government that I could be given an extension. They were all doing their duties, and their skepticism came from the fact some people do take advantage of the system, especially when they have political connections. Now that they understood that I was telling the truth all along, they became quite helpful.
Meanwhile Ramesh also took a request to the local Member of Assembly, who forwarded it the honorable Minister of Education. A copy of that also was sent to the Higher Education Department. So due to all these finally an approval for extension was granted, after six months of running around behind various people of power, and losing quite a number of working days for my husband.
07-02-2012
Got the QIP extension order today. Ramesh went to the Director's office to get a copy of it. It just says I have to reapply for extension in August.
The government grants a maternity leave of six months with salary, which is quite a blessing to the employees. I was looking forward to taking this leave from October to March, as well as two months' vacation in April- May and four months of leave without salary, so I could spend time with my newborns without a lot of financial loss. But as per the order I would be receiving salary till August 2012, and then a year without salary to complete the course. I also lost a consideable amount in taxes as because of the uncertainty about the leave I was late in filing the tax returns and thus I was unable to take the 'savings and deductions from income' into consideration. Also there was a fine for late filing.
Anyway, at least I did not lose my job. Nor did I have to repay a year's salary with interest, so I suppose I should be thankful.
I rejoined the course in July 2012. Initially we were planning to shift to Chennai- all of us. But there were many problems in that. Health problems of babies due to relocation and climate change, unpredictability of how convenient a new house would be, the expenses of shifting and renting a new house, loss of income for Ramesh if we relocate and so on. So I left alone, leaving my five months old triplets under the care of my husband and my parents. I tried to come home for every holiday, every weekend. At times it was very difficult. There simply were no tickets available in trains. And then there was a lot of work to be done during the weekends. Especially there was a highly demanding teacher, who used to consider his students' personal lives irrelevant. There were many nights when I traveled with a waiting list ticket, sitting when a kindly co-passenger permitted me to sit at the edge of her berth, or standing near the toilet when they were not so kind (most of the time I got to sit, passengers of second class sleeper compartments in India are exceptionally kind and graceful. In spite of all the difficulties in getting tickets, I still love to travel sleeper class).
It was a pleasure to see my little ones grow. One weekend I would come and see them turning over onto their stomach and back! Another weekend, they would start crawling on belly! Then during a long holiday I saw them starting to move around on all fours! Then a tiny tooth came out! Then little sounds with meanings-words! Thankfully I did not miss any major milestones of their development. They were always happy to see me early on Saturday mornings. Then I would feed them cereals, rice, mashed potato, cooked carrots, boiled bananas, cookies, cheese.. Their development stages varied, their eating habits varied, sleeping patterns varied. These development stages I will describe in another post.
I completed the course in June 2013. Good marks. Rejoined my job right afterwards. I got my QIP extension sanctioning order later. I lost a year's seniority, but that did not matter. We shifted to my place of work, with my husband travelling everyday. Life fell into a pattern. All the dust settled in the professional front with uncertainties and challenges continuing and new ones coming up in personal life. But then, such is life.
