IVF in Kerala

Hopes and Dreams after IVF
We did IVF- ICSI and are waiting for the blood test results. Read here about the IVF
22-06-2011  2pm

The blood test is scheduled to be on 28-06-11. My classes will start on 02-07-11. I can probably take a week off, if it is needed, and ask my friend to pay my fees for me. I am anxious to get back, finish the course in flying colors. It is quite enjoyable, the experience of getting on the other side of the teaching platform again, to listen to those wonderful classes,and more than anything the friendships..Sari and Eva are filling a large part of my heart, I am enjoying each moment with them..going to canteen, doing the assignments, sharing the tensions, and talking endlessly..and I very much love my single room in the paying guest house, I like the owner of the house and it is too good to have Sari share the same accommodation. All in all the past year was like a dream, a pure joyful one at that..and in my mind I have absolutely no trace of doubt that the next year will be no different. I will return in July, come what may. It is good to be pregnant and studying, and when I finish the course, I don’t have to come back to the same old house shared by just the two of us..we will have a lovely little baby with us, to share everything we have, and to spread immeasurable joy in our lives..we will shift to my workplace so I won't have to travel anymore..may be my parents will come to stay with us for a while, and in the nights, we will all sit in the cool verandah and talk at length about everything..my parents’ lives, my life, our love story, our married life, our baby, and everything…My baby will make us all laugh contentedly with his/her giggles and sweet nothingness..oh God, please let it all happen..please let me be pregnant this time..please let me not see red stains on my undergarments this month too, and get that hopeless despair.Please let me see two lines on the self-check stick for pregnancy..and please let me get gold medal for my P.G..please God please..

On 28^th, the result of blood test should show betahCG above 100. Then I am positive. According to DrTC, there is no reason why it shouldn't be positive. He says this is the most ideal case of the month.there were eight embryos in all, two were discarded,three are frozen, and three were put back into my uterus.all embryos are healthy,I am quite healthy and capable of getting pregnant,in fact a lot like soil ready with all the nutrients and rain and everything, just waiting for a seed to fall on to it so it can blossom and reproduce. I am slightly unhappy that he transferred only three embryos. What is the chance of success? Anyway better three than two. Is there a chance that I’ll get twins? Likely..oohh..then it’ll be too good..one boy and one girl? Wow, that is only a dream,and I am even afraid to dream and hope, lest something might happen..

After the embryo transfer I am very hungry..could be that I am sitting idly at home watching movies,reading fiction,going online etc. and waiting for Ramesh to come from office so we can go out. A maid comes to cook and clean. Mily is here giving me company all day. I miss Karikkatta, our black kitten, who died recently. Mostly I lie down on the sofa and watch HBO or Star movies. Today is 22^nd, and there is ‘Hiss’ in Star plus. I had wanted to watch that movie for sometime..Mallika Sherawat turning into a snake or something. It s at 11pm, now it is only afternoon. I just had stomach full of rice, spicy sambar and very spicy pickle. There is a cramp in the stomach, a burning feeling. Must be the pickle. Stomach feels really full. Sort of like the feeling before ovulation. Ovulation time is medically manipulated, so this cramp doesn’t have anything to do with either ovulation or menstruation. This must be the pickle only..much like the burn from too much spice.

22-06-2011   11.30 pm

I feel like vomiting. I am online, searching the symptoms, and I find that I might be having something called OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulationsyndrome),caused by too much hormone within me.It has three stages-mild,moderate and severe.this must be the mild stage..it ll be ok. I was watching this ‘ Hiss’ movie, and it can make even normal stomachs to throw up with the slithering cobra coming out of the woman and stuff. So I switched off and went to sleep, constantly disturbed by nightmares and uneasiness in stomach. Once I vomited, then went back to sleep. Got up again, and here I am, looking for OHSS symptoms. I guess I should go back to sleep.

NEXT...I am terrified!

IVF and ICSI in Kerala

Once our decision to have a baby was taken strongly, we looked up our various options to do IVF and ICSI in Kerala, and based on our convenience and our friends' advice about the expertise of the infertility specialist there, we zeroed in on Lakshmi Hospital, and started our regular visits to Dr. Tity Chacko. During the first visit he collected a semen sample, and showed us through the microscope how the count and motility are tested. We actually saw the tiny sperms move! I had ultrasound scans which showed poly-cystic ovaries, but DrTC said they do not matter at all. In fact these cysts might be helpful in the treatment, he said. I do not know how that was possible, but it was very encouraging nevertheless. Then he gave us a brief about the treatment procedure. He said he would have suggested three months of attempting conception naturally, but in our case he found it best to start with IUI right away. In the next two months we tried regular IUIs, and in the third month he used a hormone injection. We also had hsG test to see if my fallopian tubes have any blockage. The test was supposed to be very painful, but since it did not involve any needles (at least none that I could see), I found the test to be okay. The results showed very much unblocked tubes. Afterwards he decided it was time to start IVF. 

We said we needed a break, especially because I was dead scared of injections. He said fine, anyway it was better not to do it in February-March due to the heat. Best to do in June-July. So we went back to our life and jobs. Meanwhile I had applied for my post graduation under quality improvement program and got admission at Chennai. So I had to leave in August (2010). We took a long break from the treatment (it hadn't even started properly!) and I immersed myself in studies. Ramesh stayed back at Kochi, with occasional visits to Chennai. My semester break after second semester came in June- one whole month of holidays-June 2011. The first two semesters went exceptionally well, I enjoyed the new place, new college, new-found thirst for knowledge, new friendships, new energy. My colleague and senior during my undergraduate course was also there, and she stayed in the same paying guest accommodation as me. In November 2010 my father had a severe cardiac arrest, and I came back and stayed at the hospital for a few days. We decided that we should continue the treatment- at least that much we should do for our parents, who are really desperate for a grandchild.

So I am home for the June vacation now. The day after I reached, we went and met DrTC, and asked if we could do IVF in the next year, after my course. He said it is always better to do it as early as possible- with each passing day, the success chances diminish. So we reasoned that if we do it now, and if I indeed get pregnant, I can still go back next month and complete the course. My delivery might come sometime in March, and may be I can take a month's leave then. My course might end sometime in May. I can still complete the course, and join back in June, and then again take a loss of pay leave for a few months to raise my baby. So we decided to go for it this June.

I think IVF and ICSI are such a routine procedures now, that I do not need to elaborate on them. Injections started. Everyday one injection for 10 days. Now I am numb to the pain. The needle does not scare me anymore. Quite used to it by now. So  had my last injection of the ten on 12th June 2011, late at night. I don't actually remember why it had to be around midnight. There has to be a day's gap between last injection day and egg collection day. My egg collection day was 14th. I was so scared and nervous. There was a waiting room next to an IVF operation theater where around ten of us ladies sat and waited our turn. My turn was third. I was taken inside, cleaned up like for surgery, and was given general anesthesia. When I woke up I felt no pain. Everything went wonderfully well. I was kept under observation till late afternoon, was allowed to eat only after a few hours (I felt very hungry), but other than that, nothing particular. We got back home late in the evening. Next day Ramesh went and gave collected semen for artificial insemination. They said the procedure would be ICSI.

On 16th we went again, and an IUI like procedure where the embryos were transferred back to my uterus. I asked DrTC how many eggs and how many embryos, and he said there were eight eggs, eight embryos, two were discarded, six were used, three transferred back to me and three are being kept frozen, so they can use it in the next cycle if this cycle is a failure.

Ramesh's cousin- Akka- is a pediatrician at the same hospital, and this was a blessing. She was there to help us and give advice whenever needed. DrTC kept saying during our entire treatment duration that I was extremely fertile, one of the best possible cases he has ever seen. If he was excited about it before IVF, now after embryo transfer he was absolutely happy that everything went so well, and said I have 99% success chance. I will know only on 28th, after the blood test.

NEXT.....Waiting and Hoping

IVF in Kerala

Why we did IVF

There is this very popular dialogue from a very popular Malayalam movie. The hero asks his friend- 'Why Vijaya, why didn't we think of this earlier?', and the friend says, 'Everything happens in its own due course, Dasa..' And the movie goes on to its hilarious sequences. Something similar happened in our married life also. People started asking us 'Why are you both not starting a family? It is high time! Go see a doctor!' 'Why aren't you finding clinics to do IVF in Kerala? It might cost a fortune, but it will be worth it!' 

We replied- 'Let God give, we shouldn't snatch from Him..' 

The real reason we did not go to a doctor was, I am dead scared of needles. And I have heard no treatments for infertility (especially IVF) is complete without poking needles all over. But I could not admit that, could I? If I do, then my own mind would start asking like, 'Is this pain fear greater than the desire for a baby?'. So we said- everything will happen in its due course, besides we should not snatch from God.. 

Okay, so why go and snatch now? 

'Hmm..er..God Himself says in Gita, that one should fulfill one's karma, right?'

Anyway, both of us had various reasons for making it late. For me, it was fear mainly. I had read and heard from many sources that the treatment procedure was painful. I had a terrible needle fear and had not taken any injections for twenty years. Now this treatment demands ten consecutive days of injection..Then there are a thousand stories of the side effects of the treatment..medicines which can cause long lasting health problems. Third reason was our office timings and both of us preferred going out and having fun in the evenings than going to a clinic. Also both of us had a general reluctance to take medicines. And then sheer procrastination. Most often the hormone raging ovulation days ended up in just a lot of tears. Thus precious months passed by us. Finally we visited a gynecologist, and tests there showed that our sperm count was close to zero (we did repeated tests, just to confirm), and we became painfully aware that it would be impossible to conceive naturally. The doctor prescribed some tablets, but even she was not very optimistic. Medicines did not help much except that my husband became even more short-tempered. I was very careful not to hurt his feelings or shake his confidence, which was very vulnerable at the moment. Things were not going very well, so together we decided to leave the treatment there, and moved on with life.

Months flew by. The anxiousness grew, especially because it was obvious that though my parents were not pressurizing us or even asking us about it, they wanted us to take a treatment. They wanted a grandchild. And I was an only daughter, so I was their only hope. Also all our younger cousins who were married became parents. So did our friends. It became impossible to hold a real conversation with a group of friends, because the conversation invariably drifted off to their kids and I was left without much to talk about. So we decided to start the treatment afresh, but this time we thought of doing some alternative medication.Our next visit was to a very good (and expensive) Homeopath. (Find the link to The Clinic). He does not really specialize in anything, but does an overall checkup (with not many equipments, just his senses) and finds out the general health condition of the patients and treats the root causes of the problems. He did a check-up, and prescribed-We should walk an hour a day, both of us together. Drink two glasses of fresh carrot juice(he even suggested a brand for the juicer!), Ramesh should avoid milk and all dairy products completely, and I should drink 3 litres of water everyday. He also prescribed one or two over-the-counter medicines, mostly vitamins and tablets for liver health. All these seemed easy to practice and hearty to do. But of course, the routines were broken many times- we did walk- with our dog- but the walk was done away with when we went for late night movies, or overnight site visits as part of our job. Carrot juice we did drink, and Ramesh completely avoided his favorite dairy items, except a little curd once in a month or so. After six months we did the sperm test again, and we couldn't really believe it- it showed a considerable rise in count and mobility!! Of course, this was not enough, but having a rise from zero 10 lakhs gave us a new ray of hope. (Actual minimal requirement being 30 million! We were not nearly close) We continued the same way for another six months, but too much precious time was being lost. By now it was 2007, I joined Engineering College as a Lecturer, started travelling 4 hours a day, to and fro, sometimes staying back at the work place in the hostel. Treatment lost steam. I crossed the dreaded 30 year old mark.Probably we were not mentally prepared to have a baby. Yes, that is a large factor. We weren't yet so sure that we wanted a baby for us. Were we wishing for the baby just to please our parents and relatives? Just to shut them up and prevent the regular questioning looks? Or was it to avail a rest period- a maternity leave of six months with pay (I always wished for that rest period- not having to rush to workplace everyday, yet get my paycheck)? Or was it to have an excuse every time we were asked to do something unpleasant?-like if I was required to go on a tour I did not wish to go, then if I had a baby I could always say the baby could not travel and I had to stay back to look after her. I was not sure if these were the reasons I wanted a baby, or if the need was genuine, if I was really prepared. When we are mentally prepared, when each atom in the body craves and cries out for a baby, pregnancy might happen, I thought. But, may be by then the body would be too old, and the situations might be against us. For couples who get pregnant naturally, easily, all these do not matter. They get pregnant first, and then prepare themselves. But not so easy for us. Finally, after many years I realized that I genuinely wanted a baby, or even babies. That vacuum in life solidified. Each atom in my body started longing for the baby. And then one day, in a crowded bus, I was sitting in the back seat when a man got in with a toddler. He was trying to get some space to stand and squeeze to the front part of the bus. So he asked me to look after the child and left him on my lap while he pushed ahead through the jam-packed bus. The kid sat on my lap till the stop where the dad got down, and while sitting, he tightly held my hand with his tiny palm. Then it struck me- to love a child I don't really need it to belong to me biologically.

                          

I thought about Mili, our dog. Then about my pet pigeons. If I could love these animals and birds with such passion and devotion, then why not a human child? Why should it matter if it biologically belongs to someone else? So the decision was made. We would try for our own baby, born from us, but if it does not happen, we would adopt a child with not a trace of apprehension. We would love the baby, as our own, why, the baby would be ours only. When I hold the baby close tight to my bosom, that warmth will be more than enough for me to give her all the love and affection in the world. And then there is another virtue-the satisfaction that comes with adopting an orphaned street puppy in contrast to one with a pedigree. To have a baby whom his or her parents abandoned, whom no one else would love completely- to have that baby and love him so completely. And to provide him with all the financial stability and comforts we have. Why would we need all these comforts and facilities and money for just the two of us? If we did not have kids to share it with us? Why this house? Why a job? And there was so much to give- we had to give it.So the decision was taken- to continue the treatment with more rigor and purpose, to forget the fears and pain, to do IVF two or three times. If it did not work out, then we would go ahead and adopt. And when the mind and the body prepared themselves fully, God knew the time was approaching. Through a friend He let us know about Lakshmi Hospital, and the good and kind, efficient doctors there. And we went to the hospital, to start the treatment from scratch.

I should mention here that later I found out that adoption was a much more complex, difficult process in India than doing any infertility treatment. But still I know for sure that if we were not successful with IVF, we would definitely have adopted. And it is something I really want to tell all couples undergoing treatment- do not worry if you do not have a baby biologically. Adopt a baby, and you will be happy. If you are not willing to do that, then maybe you are not yet mentally prepared to have a baby.

NEXT https://tripletshouse.blogspot.com/2011/06/Infertility-IVF-Blog-Kerala.html?m=0